It didn’t take long
To go solo
Be it movies
Or restaurants
Or museums
Or a bookstore
Or treks
I don’t even remember
When it began
Perhaps during my college
My long solo commute?
Every daily commuter
Is always alone
Though almost crushed
In a crowded train or bus
There is a constant
Inner talk with self
About a thing
Or millions of things
Or just an empty mind
Too fatigued to think
You don’t need people
When you grow up
So rugged
And then of course
There are betrayals
Of trust and time
Then there was beautiful phase
When my newborn boy
Became my extension
I was never alone
I was his constant
For that tiny life
I had brought forth
Into this chaotic world
I was never alone
Kids never let you be
Unless you play along
So often it would
Be the library or bookstore visits
Where I would sit solo
In line of sight of my boy
Far far away in the kids section
I don’t remember
Who exactly was I
Training to be alone ?
After the boy grew up
And flew off far far away
I made up my mind
To be the solitary reaper
Of my abandoned pursuits
I unearthed my buried self
In place of a girl in 20’s
Out came a woman in her 50’s
More calmer, confident and wiser
Much slower too
How I wish I could reach out
To that girl and tell her to go solo
The world abandons you anyways
Women are supposed to play
A second fiddle in everything
Wish I could spare her from
All the traumas and dilemmas
And of course all the tears
My dark circles are rightfully earned
But here I am in my 50’s
Carrying that abandoned
Spirit of my 20’s
I know it feels absurd
To those who never tried
(Or didn’t have to)
To stand up for oneself
And live for a while
Remember?
We have abandoned our earth too
Who moves solo in the dark space
And then there is the final solo act
When we depart solo!!
Mad Decadence 