It was the usual Friday evening. Last school meeting of the day had ended well. I had planned to watch another online event. My son had ordered his favourite food. The weekend mood was setting in…

Suddenly, I felt an ache near the left rib cage. I thought I had sprained my back so I tried lying down straight. The ache intensified. By then the food had arrived so I ignored the pain like I usually do and joined my son. But after a while I couldn’t sit on chair. The pain had started radiating outwards. I drank water, tried lying down. I tried taking deep breath but every breath became hurtful. Both while inhaling and exhaling it was hurting. I couldn’t cough or yawn without pain. I felt a sharp squeeze followed by radiating pain. It was coming in waves. Each one more painful than the other. Finally we dialled our local physician’s number. I couldn’t stand or walk without holding my left side. Our physician immediately asked us to visit his clinic as the pain was on left side, he wanted to keep the option of ECG open.

We don’t own a car, I couldn’t walk. So finally a known rickshaw driver took us to the clinic which was full of patients waiting for their turn. I had stepped out of the bubble during the Covid times and was in a crowded clinic which should have alarmed me in normal times but pain overwhelmed all my senses. I just longed for relief. Doctor immediately arranged for ECG but lying down was a big challenge as I was bending and holding my left side tightly as though trying to stop the next wave of radiating pain. Nevertheless we managed the ECG which my physician red flagged immediately. He was clear the pain was coming from heart muscles but it wasn’t an heart attack. He assured me I would be fine till I reached any hospital emergency. He arranged for an emergency pill to be kept under the tongue.

I was to be moved immediately to hospital emergency so phone calls were made to a cousin with hospital contacts. We didn’t have time to pick up important documents so my son decided to sprint back home to coordinate further over phone. Multiple ubers were booked hoping one of it would reach to us faster. Just while waiting on the pavement for uber, my world started blacking out. My son held me tight and kept whispering that it is not an heart attack or failure, I just need to breathe and be strong. Fellow patients waiting near the clinic found a place for me to sit till black out passed. Finally the uber came. I was eager to reach the hospital emergency just to get relief from the squeezing pain which was constantly intensifying. But we didn’t realise there were multiple centres of the same hospital. So while in pain and blur I had to change the location as I was the only techno savvy one.

Also somewhere my mind was telling me to inform school incase I didn’t return in time for online classes on Monday. Mentally, I was preparing for the worst case scenario. Thankfully, as expected I received complete support from my school. I was told strictly to focus on diagnosis and recovery.

We reached the emergency of one of the upcoming elite hospitals and the second ECG was done. It didn’t look alarming to resident doctors. The emergency staff thanks to our cousin’s known contact didn’t ask for any advance payment, document filling etc. They prepped me for intravenous drugs to relieve me from the pain but when I showed my drug allergy history they decided to do an allergy patch test. The results were disappointing so it was decided to go with oral painkillers and nebulizer as I still couldn’t breathe without debilitating pain. There wasn’t much they could do. They did a third ECG. Since two subsequent ECGs looked safe they decided to discharge me with a suggestion to meet either cardiologist or pulmonologist next day immediately. Opoid painkillers were prescribed to give some relief at night. There was no uber available at midnight so finally our friend came to our aid.

The opoid painkillers gave me relief only for couple of hours. Again I was restless and in terrible pain. Thanks our cousin we got a consultation with a renowned senior cardiologist in another renowned hospital. He heard me out and prescribed further tests along with two 1/2 medicines. He assured me by Monday I would be okay. Rest of the morning till late afternoon went in tests. Once again another friend stepped in with food and car to help us cope. Meanwhile my brave son was writing his end of semester exams while worrying about me.

Most funny part was, right from Friday to the next day whoever I met, including the person who drew my blood kept asking me what did I eat implying that the pain was due to gas, acidity or constipation. I now recollect similar culture shock that I had felt when I had travelled in local train in Kolkata for the first time. Most vendors here sell all kinds of alternative medicine to give relief from good old three maladies – gas, acidity and constipation. The fact that I was asthmatic didn’t matter, the fact that none of the doctors had asked me even once about my eating habits or constipation did not matter. All seemed convinced what I was suffering from indigestion (some still are).

Thankfully tests did not show anything alarming. I met the senior cardiologist again (who again did not ask me about my meal gaps or digestion issues). He once again assured me I would be fine with those two half tablets by Monday for my online classes. One of the two tablets is related to Angina pain and other is of anti-anxiety. I need to continue them for three months. If there is a repeat of the episode then I will need an cardio-angiogram. Again none of the medicines are for indigestion and they both have worked miraculously. I am grateful to all medical staff who are working tirelessly and handling all kinds of cases.

There is a little discomfort and mild pain but squeeze and radiating spasm is gone. Whenever people call me up out of concern they invariably caution me about indigestion. I guess that has to do something with this land of foodies. I am yet to find another city which takes food and digestion so seriously. No wonder Piku, the film was made by a Bengali director. I feel bad about all those train vendors who make a living out of selling little magic digestive potions – churans, amlaki etc. I wonder how they are making their ends meet in the lockdown. Also I wonder, how commuters are stocking up their favourite digestives these days.

My only caution to all Bengali friends is that please don’t mistake any heart region pain for gas, acidity or indigestion. It could be more serious and dangerous. Any debilitating pain requires proper investigation and intervention.

My final diagnosis says unspecified chest pain with indication of Angina and lockdown related anxiety. Doctor did mention such cases are rising globally. A friend has looked up and found out that my symptoms and line of treatment resembles ‘Broken Heart Syndrome’ also known as Takotsumo Cardiomyopathy – cases of which are on the rise during the pandemic. This syndrome mainly affects women above 50 when the stress relieving hormones fail to regulate.

I am yet to suffer from Covid 19 but the pandemic, suffering and death of people in known circles and at large and India’s gross mishandling of the second wave probably has literally and medically affected me and many others – literally has broken our hearts.

The built up of stress due to humiliation, failures, disappointments, deaths, loss and grief happens over time since birth but probably nothing stunned my heart like the present pandemic situation – it is claustrophobic to be stuck in the present and future is a distant blur.

Whatever it is, I hope is temporary. My ache will probably heal and once again I hope, I will walk with sunshine and camera on my shoulders.