Time betrays
People betray
Family betrays
Life betrays
You betray yourself too
The true story
Isn’t the words said
The true story
Is never what is seen
It lies in what stays
Unsaid and unnoticed
And in life unlived!!
What betrays silence
Is the word
& what betrays the words
Is the silence
Between said and unsaid
There is a pause
A void so dense
Yet so empty
Bereft of trust and emotions
I wonder how does love fare
In the era of dating apps
Earlier love came gate crashing into our lives
Annoyingly when we least expected it
It sat as an unwanted guest
Messing up all the time lines
It waited patiently for its turn
To unleash it’s charm
And make its way into our lives
I wonder how love copes now
In the era of dating and speed dating
Has it become impatient?
Does it move along with our swipes
Swipe right you may find it
Swipe left you may lose it or vice versa
With Apps and profiles
As the ultimate gate keepers
How will it ever get to gate-crash?
Is love at first sight even a possibility?
There are always damn screen and filters
And best edited profile pictures
And then when you personally meet
With ample room for expectations
And disdain
Does love leave the table politely?
Earlier love would linger on
And maybe even stalk
And now it ghosts
Earlier there were no promises or forever
But yet love would haunt for life
I no longer know how it works
When we lay all our cards on the table
Hoping for a fair game
But then it turns out
There are no rules of the game
Love remains a situationship
Waiting for an upgrade
It is always a clean slate
No misgivings, no messiness
Light as a butterfly
Love flutters in and out of life
No surprises anymore
No confessions either
Love in the age of AI and Apps
Has turned out to be a smart love
With racing heartbeats in rings and watches
No broken hearts, no unrequited love
Nor platonic or overtly lustful
Love itself has become a need
A box to be ticked
The more you chase it, the more it eludes
That hope – the next swipe might
Bring it to your table right?
Keep at it!!!
Knowing love, it will still turn up
To upset all your plans
Staring right at you
Sweeping you in a twister storm
And then dumping you
Totally broken but warm
It will teach you to smile and sob
Only love can teach love
It is a shape shifting algorithm
Making an absolute fool of
Even the wisest one!!
It didn’t take long
To go solo
Be it movies
Or restaurants
Or museums
Or a bookstore
Or treks
I don’t even remember
When it began
Perhaps during my college
My long solo commute?
Every daily commuter
Is always alone
Though almost crushed
In a crowded train or bus
There is a constant
Inner talk with self
About a thing
Or millions of things
Or just an empty mind
Too fatigued to think
You don’t need people
When you grow up
So rugged
And then of course
There are betrayals
Of trust and time
Then there was beautiful phase
When my newborn boy
Became my extension
I was never alone
I was his constant
For that tiny life
I had brought forth
Into this chaotic world
I was never alone
Kids never let you be
Unless you play along
So often it would
Be the library or bookstore visits
Where I would sit solo
In line of sight of my boy
Far far away in the kids section
I don’t remember
Who exactly was I
Training to be alone ?
After the boy grew up
And flew off far far away
I made up my mind
To be the solitary reaper
Of my abandoned pursuits
I unearthed my buried self
In place of a girl in 20’s
Out came a woman in her 50’s
More calmer, confident and wiser
Much slower too
How I wish I could reach out
To that girl and tell her to go solo
The world abandons you anyways
Women are supposed to play
A second fiddle in everything
Wish I could spare her from
All the traumas and dilemmas
And of course all the tears
My dark circles are rightfully earned
But here I am in my 50’s
Carrying that abandoned
Spirit of my 20’s
I know it feels absurd
To those who never tried
(Or didn’t have to)
To stand up for oneself
And live for a while
Remember?
We have abandoned our earth too
Who moves solo in the dark space
And then there is the final solo act
When we depart solo!!
In a world
Where judgement
Precedes knowledge
Prejudice before
Understanding
In an era
Where world tries
To make you
Someone else
Weaves a tale
That suits their
Narratives
A world where
You are a misfit
You feel naturally
Like an imposter
In a world
Everything seems
Staged and performative
A doll’s house perhaps
Anything original
Is constantly doubted
Needing proof
A world which
Keeps validating lies
Creating false narratives
And a cloud of confusion
What else can you feel
But an imposter?
There are masks
Behind masks, underneath masks
Agendas hiding agendas
Like Martyoshka dolls
All identical and empty
A riot of shamelessness
Arrogance of patriarchy
What else can you be?
But an Imposter
Shape shifting, flowing
Trying to fit in
But feeling half empty
And also overwhelmed
You didn’t ask for this ride
You didn’t ask for these lies
Or these false narratives
Not sure who is
Hallucinating here
Me or you ?
Or who is the imposter?
Me? Or You?
Or the humanity itself!!
It is difficult to be optimistic
Some always see
half glass empty
Because it is empty
Emptiness is overwhelming
And it consists of suffering
And all kinds of lacks
A cruel void
But it also presents
Immense possibilities
There is a space to fill
There is a space that can change
However grim realities are
Change is always a possibility
It just happened in Hungary
Before it came to Nepal, Bangladesh
Common young people turned up
In streets and in polling booths
They did not stare at the void
And the status quo
They decided to upturn the glass
That’s the tipping point
One country at a time is reaching
Rekindling hope against all hope
For possibilities against
What seems impossible
History shows tyrants were defeated
There is an overwhelming evidence
We know the half empty glass
Can be filled with hope
And unknown possibilities
We need courage to
Keep trudging
To live with and without
To believe
And to simply show up
When possibilities emerge!!
We devour books
By different authors
About different places
With different perspectives
Diverse stories in
Written in various
Language, words and vocabulary
Idioms, metaphors and phrases
We become inhabitants of the story
A keen observer or listener or
A lizard on the wall
Watching the characters build up
The taut tension between them
and then the resolution
(Or lack of it)
The beginning and the end
The two fixed ends of any story
The story stretched out in between
Just like the tension
Of a guitar string
That creates harmonics
(And the disharmony)
It is punctuated with
Vibes, noise and silences
Books are our escape
Just like music or movies
They create an imaginary world
For us to inhabit
Even if momentarily
Till the last page of the book
The places which are real
For the writer
Become our wild imagination
Our ultimate refuge
Most blissful death
Would be perhaps
Being completely lost in a book
Imagine walking on those
Cobbled street of another time
Or in a futuristic world
And getting left behind forever
For there is no coming back!!
No rude awakenings
Morning alarms and drudgery
No looking out for your
Favourite characters or places
We will become as unreal
Or Surreal as them!!
PS: Ramblings after the monthly book club meeting
A Noun?
A Verb?
An Adjective?
Human value?
Emotion?
Attachment?
Attraction?
Respect ?
Friendship?
Kinship?
Dopamine?
Oxytocin?
Validation?
Affection?
Admiration?
Desire?
Conditional?
Unconditional?
Affection?
Romance?
Platonic?
Narcissism ?
Passion?
Adoration?
Devotion?
Compassion?
Sympathy?
Obsession?
Lust?
Greed?
Love encompasses all, takes various forms… yet no one understands it…
PS: Have I missed something? Do add..
It takes far too long
To figure out the right from wrong
It takes far too much
To comprehend how much is too much
It takes a lifetime
To figure out life is about time
Sometimes it’s far too late
To let go what is already lost
It takes too long to figure out
There isn’t any blue print
And there isn’t much to figure out
By the time we find the puzzle pieces
It is too late
The puzzle actually is being undone
And not all pieces fit in
It takes forever
To know that silence is eloquent
Conveys more than words
It takes too many wars to know
To know what actually is at stake
And wars go on far too long
And love?
We can barely hold it for long
It slips through fingers like sand
The moment you define it
It becomes a possession
A caged bird
Which rarely returns when set free
It goes away far too far and
Far too long…
A Universe of atoms
Thinking about atoms
A Universe of thoughts
Thinking about thinking
A Universe of moments
Missing key moments
A Universe of Silence
In search of words
A Universe of words
In search of meanings
A Universe of apathy
In search of compassion
A Universe of love
In search of tenderness
Light and Dark
Light and darkness
Both fill my home
I have made peace
With both
For, I dwell in the greys
I never had a life plan
But life did have a design
Without a choice
I went along
I chose life or
Life chose me
Here we are
Conversing daily
I don’t know
What happens tomorrow
Or day after
Or years later
I am fatigued
I am just arriving
At my present
Made of nows
Don’t ask me
About my future
Or the path that
Hasn’t yet appeared
Perhaps, I will forever
Dwell in the greys and greens
To soak in the blue hour
Seeking stars, comets and the moon
Mad Decadence 