Idiot!
They laughed
When she looked at the horizon
No one knew
She could see that
Sky never kissed the earth
They laughed
When she looked up at the sky
Idiot!
No one knew she looked into the infinite space
Seeking…
They mocked
When she kissed a youth
What would an idiot know about love?
No one knew
That she had kissed Life
And paid her compliments
For being alive,
For being able to laugh and cry
For being able to love
Written in 2000 after watching Gelsomina in Fellini’s La Strada
It almost unfolds live
On Social Media
On Television
Whipping emotions
As short lived
Till the next reel or news
There is a race
Turn it into an epic
Before the elections
Even before it ends
Scriptwriters have no clue
How will it end?
Or will it end at all?
Who has the controls?
Nations who are sparring?
Or nations who sell
Arms and weapons
To both sides fairly?
Is this an long over due upgrade?
Of war technology?
Old stocks need to be used or sold
For the new ones replace them
Weapons lead to wars
Or wars lead to weapons?
Damn the vicious cycle!
Everyone wants to stay in power
Even when they don’t have any
Wars and revolutions rarely go by the script
They often go rogue, off the script
Resilience and resolute is never factored in
Soldiers become immune to killing
And civilians learn to mourn the loss
They understand they are
Important but
Unacknowledged collaterals
Unbelievable!
What a techno-feat!
We witnessed and debated genocide
Inbetween binge watching shows
Even if war comes home
We will watch it on screen
Not realising the proximity
In denial glued to the screens
Life must go on after all
Everything is for greater good
Even the greater evils!!
Time stood still
We giggled and giggled
Like a pair of good old kids
But in their fifties
Time Stood still
As we stared at those benches
In the front of the canteen
Where we often sat and sang
Time has stood still
In that college campus
When pleaded the guard
To let us in
We went back in Time
Through those gates
Perhaps to seek our younger
Gullible, ugly and clueless selves
We patted on their backs
For making it through
For finding each other
To make up lost time
But who knew
All sand was about to slip
In that damn hourglass
For one of us
What a chance it was
That we took
Instead of standing each other up
We finally showed up
And we made the Time
Re-wind and replay it all
We relived our nostalgia
And made fresh memories
Re-unions are the sweetest
They take us back in Time
To meet ourselves and find love
Even if it is for one last time!
For Whom will the bell toll?
In fond remembrance
Of ones we lost?
Or for us who lived?
The bells can no longer
Keep the count perhaps
The bell no longer tolls
Where are the Hemingways and Orwells?
The ones who toiled
In armies and in kitchen
To write about how it felt
To hear those bells
For whom will the bell toll now?
And how long?
Wars are unending
Ceasefires rarely cease fire
The bells can no longer
Keep the count
Of who is on which side
Who is the winner or loser?
And whom should it toll for?
The ones who lost yet won
Or ones who won yet lost
The bell no longer tolls
There are mourners
But no graves
There are lovers
But no love
For whom will the bell toll?
For you and me
Or for the one who went away
And who can no longer hear
Time has set itself free
It doesn’t count anymore
How can it possibly measure?
What we no longer value
6/3/25
Bangalore
Hate could
Learn lessons
From immortal
Love
How to hold
It all in
Till the
Heart breaks
How to turn
Away coldly
And never
Look back
You don’t
Need a knife
Just words
Are enough
Hate could
Learn lessons
From Immortal
Immoral Love
How to
Let go
And not
Fight for
How to wait
Till it comes
To knock
On the door
Hate just
Wastes it all
By losing
The battles
For in wars
Hate just
Blinds you
Fools you
Love recognises
The other
Who stands
With the sword
Love knows
How to embrace
And defeat
All the hate
Hate just frets
Fumes and
Builds the rage
To go on rampage
Love remains
Immortal
Tiny cry of life
For Life itself
She stood at the edge, constantly turning back. They should be here anytime soon, if they loved her. After all they had promised, they will look out for her and have her back at all times.
The train was late. She thought of walking a little ahead to get on the tracks in darkness to ensure the train didn’t miss her and nobody tried to save her. She kept glancing at the phone, hoping someone had deciphered her cryptic posts and reached out. Even one ‘like’ would be the last bit of straw that could save her.
Then she wondered what was the probability that anybody’s life would be affected if she stuck to her plan. She could imagine the indifference, smirk, shock, grief, regret and blame shifting that would follow. She could imagine a little conference, post her funeral, where everyone would say nice things about her, maybe words of regret too but they will absolve themselves for making her feel what she felt – a useless, harmful, attention seeking, selfish soul – which definitely she wasn’t. Or was she as they perceived her to be?
Just then a small toddler reached for her and grabbed her collar. She was wearing a red dress, it probably attracted the kid. She turned around and saw two curious eyes staring at her. She had always attracted young toddlers attention for some strange reason. The mother who was carrying the child was fatigued and bored. Obviously, since she didn’t pay attention when the child must have reached out to her. The toddler kept babbling as she stared at it with a blank expression.
Was this the sign or proverbial straw she was looking for? The mother looked at her and bluntly asked, “why are you staring? Can you hold her please till the train comes? I am dead tired, hungry and fed up. Why is she always hungry for food and attention? “
For a moment she wanted to refuse and walk away but the child by then was clinging to her. It was like life itself had embraced her and held her back.
She realised how flawed her logic was, that her toddler back home would eventually forget her. Probably there would be a nicer step-mother in his life. But what if that person thought motherhood and babbling of toddlers boring?
She looked at this young mother who was glancing at her phone least bothered that the child was clinging to a stranger. She looked up and said, “please help me. Hold her a bit, my arms are aching.” She had no choice but to hold the child. The young mother kept looking at the phone. The train was announced. She was in a new dilemma. But the child kept playing with her face and her hair. Instinctively, she too engaged playfully. They both giggled. The train was almost entering the station. She swiftly turned around and told the mother that she was not getting on to the train and handed the child back. The young lady stared back, “why are you even waiting on a crowded platform then? Are you here to receive someone?”
She didn’t know what to say. She just blurted that she didn’t have money for the train ticket and walked away – walked away from her suicidal thoughts. She was sweating, shaking with tears welled up in her eyes.
She walked back to her home. It was a long walk. Long enough to get control back on her emotions and her life. Long enough to realise that if a stranger could trust her, if she could show kindness to a stranger even at the breaking point then there is evidence that she wasn’t what everyone thought she was.
She also realised how flawed she was in thinking that anyone could replace her to be a mother to her kid back home. She needed to be strong to be someone’s support now. Back home, everything was as she had left including the smirk on her husband’s face, ” so you are back. I knew you lacked courage.” She went to her kid who was sleeping and touched it, only to realise the child had a high fever. She walked back and asked her husband why he hadn’t checked on the kid in the last couple of hours.
He again smirked and said something on the lines that he didn’t realise, couldn’t imagine, child didn’t cry, was doing very important work etc etc and since she had opted to be a housewife so it was primarily her job to check on him and not to wander off to kill herself.
She stared back in disbelief. She knew exactly whom to save her son from – pathological intellectuals and skeptics, insensitive folks so full of themselves – who will endlessly analyse, blame, shame and do everything except take responsibility and show love.
PS: A piece of fiction inspired by a spooky nightmare that woke me up.
Death of loved one
Is difficult to endure
But death of love itself
Is impossible to accept
At times
Just like a bird
It simply flies away
No reasons given
For some death of love
Is slow and painful
Resentment just grows
Like cancer
For others it is a sudden death
Heart simply stops beating
For the other
It leaves behind a void
A wasteland of promises
Love may seem a gift
A burden, a nostalgia
A baggage or a lesson
Just like life itself
Love can grow at unusual places
It can grow roots
In most hostile ground
And bloom like a wild flower
Love is a life breath
Breathe it in
As long as it lasts
Cherish the illusion
It often brews a storm
Out of mere flapping of
A colourful butterflies
On a lazy afternoon
Just like a storm
It rages and ravages
Dazzles with rain
Light, colours and rainbows
For those who claim forever
It becomes a habit
A known rhythm of heart
That resonates
Till the vibes lasts
Then there is that rare Love
Whose beauty lies in its brevity
Whose grave you build within
Which gives you strength
To endure its passing
Hate stands no chance
In comparison
Love lurks in nooks and corners
In that gentle pat
Love has life's back
Time portal
On some days I wish
Time portal did exist
Just a familiar knock
Would lead me to its door
To another time, another space
More than the Time,
I miss the familiar spaces
With loving faces and embraces
That are forever lost
I wish to go back to a time
To enjoy long walks with my father
Have ice creams with my mother
Or to get into arguments
With my grandmother
about ungodly behaviour of gods
(While savouring her ladoos)
I wish I could go back
To just be a naughty giggling
back-bencher in school
Or climb those Sahyadri hills yet again
To reach dilapidated fort premises
Just to lie on my back
Under open night dark sky
Beholding the starry night
Or maybe go back to a time
to be held
In a long tight embrace
by my very special little nephew
His eyes conveying fears
And a promise that
he would always
Be there to hold me tight
Wish he could return
Through that portal door
To me yet again
Sometimes dreams
become that portal
They take me back to time
That’s when I wish
I don’t wake up
To this hideous reality
Of an unsafe world
That teaches us
Only to doubt, fear and judge
I wish there existed a Time portal
And a familiar knock would lead me
To another world
Another time and space
Where I could be me
Throwing all cautions to the wind
Embracing or being embraced
By those I have forever lost
Mad Decadence 