What begins, always ends
And all ends have a beginning
Just like in Life
And in everything else
Life too begins
And Life ends
The journey lies in between
Suspended in memories
And disbelief!!
What begins, always ends
And all ends have a beginning
Just like in Life
And in everything else
Life too begins
And Life ends
The journey lies in between
Suspended in memories
And disbelief!!
Not born poor
Neither rich
Not born marginalized
Neither a majoritarian
Not born with old money
Neither there is new money
Not born beautiful
Nor very ugly
Neither here
Nor there
Being somewhere
Also nowhere
Neither ultra left
Nor right or far right
Neither a doomsayer
Nor a dreamer
Somewhere in between
Nor a perpetrator
Or a predictor
Nor a victim
Nor cruel
Neither the kindest
Perhaps inbetween
Negotiating space
Counting Privileges
And gratitudes
Neither totally dead
Nor totally alive
Neither absent
Nor present
Somewhere in between
Totally exhausted
Brain fogged
Toiling like Sisyphus
Also being a zombie
Neither seeking
Validation
Nor rejection
Being there
And not being there
Trying to be
And not to be
Breathing in
Gasping out
Counting my privileges
As well as my curses
Silent spectator
Living while dying
Superposed states of being
Adding to almost nothing!!
Uru in kannada means ‘town/village/native place’. It turns out that I have experienced extreme summers in multiple major cities/towns of India.So I really don’t know which place I belong to whenever I think of hot summers.
My ancestors lived in the arid plateau of North Karnataka, I was born and brought up in Bombay. But every summer holidays we went to my grandparents place till we stopped going and they moved on. So hot summer afternoons were spent listening to my grandma’s tales from scriptures, playing with siblings and cousins till native homes were around. So did that place stop being my Uru? I really don’t know.
Then there were summers spent in Bombay in various suburbs. Mangoes and playtime dominate the memories. Also reading the few books we had again and again. Postponing all studies and homework till the holidays ended. The school reopening often coincided with the onset of monsoons.
Then I have been in other Urus looking for shade in the hot summer afternoon, thirsty sojourns and all yummy Rasnas and Ruh Afzaas to quench the thirst. The west of India has its own charm. Officially summer ended with watching monsoon on marine drive (not very far from the hospital where I was born).
I often wonder did the sea breeze kiss me in that cradle room before others did? I feel more like a wild nomadic kind who loves nature, seas, hills and starry nights. And most of all the evening breezes which come from nowhere to caress you at the end of a tiring day.
Like Kamala Das, I am digressing, I am from many places and have found unexpected twists and turns in life all the while searching for myself and trying to make peace with the void within. Love came and passed, like it always does – just like summer.
I am envious when flowers bloom, trees bear mangoes and other fruits while we face sweltering heat. I always thought, I am not a summer person.
And then one summer I found myself dirt poor in Paris with my young son. We rationed to afford a gelato but we splurged on a TGV ride. We thought it was going to be the only summer of our lifetimes spent in Lyon and Paris. But then that wasn’t to be…
Little did I imagine my boy would move there and I would move cities – another Uru and will be living by myself waiting for summer break to catch my breath. Listening to my son complain about unbearable heat in Paris and him wanting to be in my Uru to escape the heat.
Dystopian times indeed…summers are strange in any uru – any town – native or non native towns, be it here or in Europe. But then one can find kindness lurking in shadows in the hot cruel summer heat. I shifted to Uru two summers ago and found immense kindness in the city that had completely changed.
And then one fine day, in a cab ride, I found my playlist which resonated completely with my state of mind. Little did I imagine that I would be writing this prose poem while waiting for the live concert of same soulful songs to begin. Summer does spring surprises while springs often go summer!!
Marianne you sang
“As Tears Go By”
At a very tender age
And then life happened
Men took you for granted
They were seen as Bohemians
But you were labelled a slut
You went down the rabbit hole
Found yourself living on the streets
One has to hit the bottom low
To reverse the curve
Which you did brilliantly
And with much grace
You didn’t hate the men
You chose to rise above them
They sought popularity
You took refuge in literature and poetry
You forged your own solo path
And gave the world its own
Cold war anthem
“Broken English”
A complete arch of life
Beating all odds
Seeking depth and beauty
Amidst all the darkness
Your voice changed too
But your singing didn’t
The world denied you awards
Time and again
But you never cared
Life has to be lived
After all for life’s sake
Not for the sake of
Judgement and validation
Validation from whom?
And for why?
People will discover
Your “Seven Deadly Sins”
Which actually saved you!!
Oh! Marianne…
As life goes by…
Your words ring so true!!
Image courtesy: Album cover of Broken English
We will certainly wait
But for how long?
Can you hear the collective gasp?
Can you see the crimson pyres?
Sorry, there is no waiting time
In this game of death!!
How long do we wait?
For better sense to prevail
For wars to end
For children to get a chance
To live their life
How long do we wait?
For the Time that never arrives
Time of peace
Time of love
Time of kinship
How long do we wait?
For the rains
For the barren land
To become green again
For the earth to heal
How long do we need to wait?
For the stars to be visible again
To be able to breathe again
Perhaps sing again
How long do we wait?
For a day without news of abuse
A day with no school shootings
No war or no killings
No rapes or acid attacks
Just how long?
Just how long before we value
Humanity and living
How long before we value
Equality and love
We have been waiting
Far too long
Too too long
To find ourselves
To love ourselves
There are ways to live forever
Through your sheer talent
There are ways to be
Remembered fondly
By gently nudging the broken souls
Be it Van Gogh or Sylvia Plath
Or countless many more
Who struggled for existence
Struggled to pursue their passion
They died as mere beings
Unrecognised mortals
But lived forever
As Immortals…
Time truly
Is a game changer
The more you
Try to hold on to it
The more quickly it slips away
And then without
Your knowledge or approval
It makes you live forever
As immortals…
Condemned to be
As per everyone’s
Imagination and perception!!
A Noun?
A Verb?
An Adjective?
Human value?
Emotion?
Attachment?
Attraction?
Respect ?
Friendship?
Kinship?
Dopamine?
Oxytocin?
Validation?
Affection?
Admiration?
Desire?
Conditional?
Unconditional?
Affection?
Romance?
Platonic?
Narcissism ?
Passion?
Adoration?
Devotion?
Compassion?
Sympathy?
Obsession?
Lust?
Greed?
Love encompasses all, takes various forms… yet no one understands it…
PS: Have I missed something? Do add..
Once upon a time
I would lie under the starry night
In utter darkness
To do a Messier marathon
I knew those magnificent
Beauties of the night sky
By their first name
Out of nowhere
They would appear
Once sun disappeared
We would behold them
In the field of view
Of our small and big
Telescopes facing the night sky
Just like the sun
Constellations would dip too
Below the horizon
While new ones appeared
Nothing compares to the
Silence and darkness
Of the dark night sky
Which has inspired
Countless artists and poets
I trust the night
It removes the blinding lights
Both sun and moon are absent
We can peer much deeper
And beyond
Going back in time
14 billion years is the age of the Universe
Along the way multitude of stars
In the billions of galaxies
Are burning away
Fusing atoms together
Forming newer elements
Elements that make you and me
And every being on this planet
We are after all atoms
Trying to figure out atoms
A scientist famously said
Annihilation preludes creation
And vice versa
Creation of new particles
And elements go on
Till the stable ones are born
Nature loves stability
But then entropy is a reality too
In the great cosmic churning
Life indeed is a miracle
But then…
One day after millions of years
The sun will die…
It will engulf the earth
Growing into a red giant
Till then we will play perhaps
This game of war and fear
While sending missions into the space
Such contradicting realities of our existence
We needn’t end it all here and now
We are self similar beings
Made of same cosmic dust
It would be such a pity
To cut this fabulous story short!!
PS: Inspired by Rainer Maria Rilke’s book – Poems to Night
As the whole world holds its breath
As the threat of annihilation looms large
As brave people brace themselves
For the final showdown with death itself
Bunch of men proclaim
“Ceasefire!!!”
Such an easy convenient word
Why did it take so long?
One just has to cease
And step back
No one needs to call off the war
This game is paused for the next level
After all it increases views, stocks and profits
And weapons industry sells quite well
The biggest reality show of current times
Boom!! Just after ceasefire
There was much fire elsewhere
While the negotiations were still being read
There has to be a twist in the war drama
Well, the whole bloody drama is twisted!!
No one knows who is winning or losing
I guess it doesn’t matter anymore
Let the game go on…
While the desolate moon, sun
And a bunch of astronauts
Behold the beautiful Earth
Blue and white…pristine marble
Moving in the dark empty space
Silently miles miles away
Human life does seem a miracle
Till it turns itself into a curse!!
Tonight I want to talk
About the courage
Courage of those who are
Facing imminent fatal threats
As fear looms large
No one is talking about leaving
Or fleeing the war
It has been a pattern
Among all the nations under attack
No one is leaving to make conquest easy
Tonight we need to talk about this courage
Courage of common people
Who take the batterings
Who are easy civilian targets
Yet they refuse to leave or flee
They bury their children and kin
They live in refugee camps
They return back to the rubbles
To rebuild again and again
As long as the ceasefire lasts
They stand up to
The truth and power
While every powerful nation chooses silence
They don’t leave or flee
Their ancestral land and home
Despite all indignity and threats
They keep showing up as human chains
They keep recording
And collecting evidence
In the hope that civility and peace
Will return again
And one day wars
Will become redundant
Tonight let’s talk about the courage
The courage of four astronauts
Who flew furthest from the earth
To the dark side of the moon
To watch unseen craters and an eclipse
Perhaps knowing well
Their mission will be eclipsed
By the war and fear mongering
They saw our beautiful blue planet
Knowing very well how bad the things are
Yet they speak of One Earth
Tonight let’s talk about the courage
Courage in the face of the fear and death
Tonight I don’t want to
Write the saddest or angry lines
I want to stand in solidarity with those
Who are being relentlessly attacked
If they have the courage to hope
To bear it all and fight back
And have guts to die
What we think or do is inconsequential
Their land, river and mountains
Will remember them
As a resilient civilization
I will just hope
Hoping against hope
This exemplary courage will win
It has to win against the evil
Fear is not even a choice
Fear was never a choice!!