With all my courage
I try to fathom
The depth of the abyss
At the bottom
Of it are
Broken mirror pieces
Reflecting
The fractured
Fragmented world
And me
Category: poetry
An Ode to A Photographer
Photography is a rare art
Playing with omnipresent
Light and Time
Capturing moments
That transpire magically
Just like a sudden flight of a bird
Or deep pensive prayer of a saint
Or something unsettling
Or maybe deeply political
Just like a dying child staring
At an approaching vulture
These are moments of truth
That transcends Time
A photograph rarely lies
Unless of course it is doctored
To peddle a lie
Ever since it’s invention
There have been warriors
Going to the ends and the depth
To capture beauty and horror
Their gaze becomes
The gaze of the masses
That’s the magic
They turn you
Into them
The gaze changes places
You become the onlooker
Your silence becomes complicity
Life of a photographer
Isn’t an easy one
Trudging with the gears
They make the unseen
And unknown visible
They unravel the truth
That hides in the plain sight
Leaving us to wonder
How did we allow this to happen?
Are we going to do something?
Photographs have changed
The world history
But photographers carry
The burden of Sisyphus
They must push the boulders
And the borders again and again
They must teach
The blind populace to see
And behold the truth
And not turn a blind eye
Again and again
Photographers have turned
Cosmetic over ages
They just indulge in beauty
Safety and narcissism of it
Yet there came along
A rare tall one
With a discerning eye
And deep wisdom
Who could stop the world
With one single photograph
Using simple Light and Time
To paint the undeniable Truth
An ace visual storyteller
Holding the mirror to the world
Leaving for the future
Stories that are imprinted
By light on the frames of Time
And memory forever!!
PS: In remembrance of legendary Raghu Rai who passed on to another realm today
Michael
You danced & sang
And moonwalked
Your way through life
Life that wasn’t easy
Your childhood was lost
You played in gigs
While other kids went to school
You brought home animals
To talk and show love to
Because humans around you
Didn’t always show up
You lived life on your terms
You broke out of the gilded cage
Made by your father, music producers
You called out the truth and the lies
You reached heights and lows
As a black man you rose high
What a white man
could only dream of
Obviously you had to be punished
They had to make
An example out of you
So that no one else would dare
That’s how white world
Keeps things in order
And gets away with every crime
They still are vilifying you
Even after all these years
Killing you again and again
Yet they cannot dim your shine
For you were born a star
With your own stupendous
Creative energy and charm
Which no one could take away
You showed the world
Music was a universal language
That could unite and heal the planet
And just when the world
Is very badly wounded
You have made daring comeback
In your movie posthumously
To teach people to live again
To heal the planet again
To dance and moonwalk
Through tears and smiles
To the music of life!!
Brain Fog
Best words and lines
And the flow of thoughts, ideas
Come to me while
I am walking or teaching
Or while doing some unrelated chores
And then they disappear
Brain fog I guess
Should I guilt trip myself
For not writing them down?
Or maybe a pardon is in order?
After all brain fog isn’t my fault
And it isn’t the brain’s fault either
We keep constantly overloading it
With information, emotions and sentiments
Evoked by hundreds of visuals
And narratives unfolding
Everywhere all at once
One moment we are infuriated
And next moment we laugh
We cry for a bit too
And then we are confused
Most of the time
I guess the brain too gives up on us
Thinking fast, thinking slow
Long term or short term
Cognition and metacognition
How much can it label and segregate?
Neurons too must be overworked
With all the firing and messaging
I try to remember that string of thoughts
Something that got completely lost
While I went on a scavenger hunt
Looking for war, elections and other news
Doomscrolling
I don’t remember knowing these words
During my growing up years
Brainfog, doomscrolling…
Oh wait…what was I planning
To write about?
Ufff I lost the string of thoughts again
Wonder how James Joyce and other
Stream of consciousness writers
Would have fared in this era?
Will there be a new genre?
A genre of brain fogged writings?
For writers who lose their
Stream of consciousness?
Silent Night
Night changes everything
Suddenly there is silence
Marking end of the day’s chaos
Everyone is back to their homes
Or spaces they call home
Be it a bench in the park
Or a temporary pitched tent
Outside a sprawling metropolis
All shiny businesses are shuttered down
Only a hole in the wall eating joints
Or big and small eateries are open
Night walkers are all out
In their full gear, counting steps
Migrants are on the call
With their families back home
In campuses, the hostels
Start coming alive
That’s where night owls dwell
Or the SEZ’s with grave yard shift workers
People who do multiple gigs
Begin their another shift
With sun banished
And moon with just enough light
Night comes alive
Silent night seems
Holy and peaceful
All tired souls are back
In their beds, glued to the screens
Everything seems to be
Happening elsewhere
Life also seems to be elsewhere
While dreams and nightmares
Await to come alive in REM
But sleep eludes all city folks
There is so much to take in
That little devious little device
Keeps us all hooked and awake
Will the wars end tonight?
Will the ceasefire last?
Will the tyrant be defeated?
Will the heatwave end?
How many likes will reel get?
Also there is so much gate keeping to do
While trolls are busy hate keeping
Just one night
It can change so many lives
Moreover it’s night here
And day elsewhere
We no longer know
Which time zone we belong
Night creates its own chaos
But yet it exudes a calmness
A semblance of quiet
Silent night, holy night
Where only jungles come alive
Predators and preys
Playing their end game
Which might become
Morning headlines
When yet another
Chaotic day begins
I will postpone sleeping
To another night
After all night is a promise
That day always keeps!!
The End
What begins, always ends
And all ends have a beginning
Just like in Life
And in everything else
Life too begins
And Life ends
The journey lies in between
Suspended in memories
And disbelief!!
Counting Privileges
Not born poor
Neither rich
Not born marginalized
Neither a majoritarian
Not born with old money
Neither there is new money
Not born beautiful
Nor very ugly
Neither here
Nor there
Being somewhere
Also nowhere
Neither ultra left
Nor right or far right
Neither a doomsayer
Nor a dreamer
Somewhere in between
Nor a perpetrator
Or a predictor
Nor a victim
Nor cruel
Neither the kindest
Perhaps inbetween
Negotiating space
Counting Privileges
And gratitudes
Neither totally dead
Nor totally alive
Neither absent
Nor present
Somewhere in between
Totally exhausted
Brain fogged
Toiling like Sisyphus
Also being a zombie
Neither seeking
Validation
Nor rejection
Being there
And not being there
Trying to be
And not to be
Breathing in
Gasping out
Counting my privileges
As well as my curses
Silent spectator
Living while dying
Superposed states of being
Adding to almost nothing!!
A Hot Summer Afternoon In Uru
Uru in kannada means ‘town/village/native place’. It turns out that I have experienced extreme summers in multiple major cities/towns of India.So I really don’t know which place I belong to whenever I think of hot summers.
My ancestors lived in the arid plateau of North Karnataka, I was born and brought up in Bombay. But every summer holidays we went to my grandparents place till we stopped going and they moved on. So hot summer afternoons were spent listening to my grandma’s tales from scriptures, playing with siblings and cousins till native homes were around. So did that place stop being my Uru? I really don’t know.
Then there were summers spent in Bombay in various suburbs. Mangoes and playtime dominate the memories. Also reading the few books we had again and again. Postponing all studies and homework till the holidays ended. The school reopening often coincided with the onset of monsoons.
Then I have been in other Urus looking for shade in the hot summer afternoon, thirsty sojourns and all yummy Rasnas and Ruh Afzaas to quench the thirst. The west of India has its own charm. Officially summer ended with watching monsoon on marine drive (not very far from the hospital where I was born).
I often wonder did the sea breeze kiss me in that cradle room before others did? I feel more like a wild nomadic kind who loves nature, seas, hills and starry nights. And most of all the evening breezes which come from nowhere to caress you at the end of a tiring day.
Like Kamala Das, I am digressing, I am from many places and have found unexpected twists and turns in life all the while searching for myself and trying to make peace with the void within. Love came and passed, like it always does – just like summer.
I am envious when flowers bloom, trees bear mangoes and other fruits while we face sweltering heat. I always thought, I am not a summer person.
And then one summer I found myself dirt poor in Paris with my young son. We rationed to afford a gelato but we splurged on a TGV ride. We thought it was going to be the only summer of our lifetimes spent in Lyon and Paris. But then that wasn’t to be…
Little did I imagine my boy would move there and I would move cities – another Uru and will be living by myself waiting for summer break to catch my breath. Listening to my son complain about unbearable heat in Paris and him wanting to be in my Uru to escape the heat.
Dystopian times indeed…summers are strange in any uru – any town – native or non native towns, be it here or in Europe. But then one can find kindness lurking in shadows in the hot cruel summer heat. I shifted to Uru two summers ago and found immense kindness in the city that had completely changed.
And then one fine day, in a cab ride, I found my playlist which resonated completely with my state of mind. Little did I imagine that I would be writing this prose poem while waiting for the live concert of same soulful songs to begin. Summer does spring surprises while springs often go summer!!
As Tears Go By
Marianne you sang
“As Tears Go By”
At a very tender age
And then life happened
Men took you for granted
They were seen as Bohemians
But you were labelled a slut
You went down the rabbit hole
Found yourself living on the streets
One has to hit the bottom low
To reverse the curve
Which you did brilliantly
And with much grace
You didn’t hate the men
You chose to rise above them
They sought popularity
You took refuge in literature and poetry
You forged your own solo path
And gave the world its own
Cold war anthem
“Broken English”
A complete arch of life
Beating all odds
Seeking depth and beauty
Amidst all the darkness
Your voice changed too
But your singing didn’t
The world denied you awards
Time and again
But you never cared
Life has to be lived
After all for life’s sake
Not for the sake of
Judgement and validation
Validation from whom?
And for why?
People will discover
Your “Seven Deadly Sins”
Which actually saved you!!
Oh! Marianne…
As life goes by…
Your words ring so true!!
Image courtesy: Album cover of Broken English
Waiting Time
We will certainly wait
But for how long?
Can you hear the collective gasp?
Can you see the crimson pyres?
Sorry, there is no waiting time
In this game of death!!
How long do we wait?
For better sense to prevail
For wars to end
For children to get a chance
To live their life
How long do we wait?
For the Time that never arrives
Time of peace
Time of love
Time of kinship
How long do we wait?
For the rains
For the barren land
To become green again
For the earth to heal
How long do we need to wait?
For the stars to be visible again
To be able to breathe again
Perhaps sing again
How long do we wait?
For a day without news of abuse
A day with no school shootings
No war or no killings
No rapes or acid attacks
Just how long?
Just how long before we value
Humanity and living
How long before we value
Equality and love
We have been waiting
Far too long
Too too long
To find ourselves
To love ourselves