Pick Yourself Up

Life teaches

How to pick

Yourself up

Along with all

The broken pieces

Of your heart

And your being

One just needs

To be patient

Those life lessons

Are like strewn clues

Hidden in a flower

Or a bleak star

In the night sky perhaps

Or on the dark side

Of the moon

When pushed

To a corner

Or into an abyss

Don’t quit

But rebel

Your life puzzle

Maybe undone

With pieces missing

But new pieces

Are strewn around you

Pick those up

Try to find

A grander puzzle

Or a greater purpose

Or just be

An unseen gardener

Toiling away

For the new seeds

To germinate

Pick yourself up

Don’t give up

Yet.

20/1/2025

Boulders

Gambling away
One’s own life
Taking risks
Leap of faiths
Seeking
The unknown  

But gambling away
Others lives?
Especially our children’s
Thinking we own it
Is always dangerous
And wrong 

A young aspirant
Gave up
So did the other and another
Fathers said
Fans need to be banned
Anti suicide device
Need to be checked

Let us control
All the factors
Look for loopholes
The peripherals
While avoiding
The truth

Sisyphus facing the
Heaviest boulders
Dared to pause
And not push
Not realising
It is not a choice
He or she had

Who decides
Size of the boulder?
Boulder of expectations
We unwittingly
Force our kids
To inherit

Boulders
Which crush them
Then we call them
Idiots who quit
We look for others
To blame
For our collective shame

Perhaps
It is the time
To imagine
Our young Sisyphus
Unhappy
With boulders and crucifixes
Of our expectations

– Jan 2025

Kaleidoscope

Escaping with little
Leaving home behind
A refugee in the world
Only a sky and courage to behold

Empty mansions
Tired caretakers
Only wealth to behold
A hostage to greed

Twain realities coexist
Yet they never meet

Peace is easy to violate
War remains difficult to negotiate

Ah! World…so predictable
With no new way ahead
We trudge the known bloody paths

Self-similar war games
Us and them

Power bereft of reason
Reason bereft of compassion
Compassion bereft of love
Love bereft of logic
Logic bereft of purpose

A farce called out
Wit bored of sarcasm
Futile cynicism

Kaleidoscope needs to be shaken
A new pattern must unfold
Out of all brokenness…

The ‘Cancel’ Culture

It has been an interesting week. It began with my tryst with ‘cancel culture’ during Gandhi Jayanti. I guess across all sections there is a growing trend of cancelling Gandhi and of course Nehru. We all know how and when it started. But given the traction it has received we must introspect.

I don’t think it began in recent years, resentment towards these two leaders was always there among a certain cross section but now it has got amplified thanks to modern narratives and propaganda being spread through Whatsapp university and social media. Their own personal lives and lifestyle choices are casting a very dark shadow on their roles as powerful leaders who shaped India’s non-violent freedom movement and nurtured India’s new born democracy in its infancy.

It is ironic that as we gloat and compete for IITs, build new IITs, the leaders who steered India towards higher education and scholarship are being vilified and defamed casually. With their names too being removed from public spaces, I really don’t know whether their legacy and commitment towards non-violence, equality and high quality education for all will be remembered at all. Perhaps they will be known only for their personal life scandals just like film stars, writers, artists, or celebrities lives are often reduced to. I really don’t know where this ‘cancel’ culture will lead us unless there is another counter culture to balance it. I guess we are headed towards collective amnesia that Marquez and Galeano often talked about. We will not remember the past or how it shaped us because we are too busy cancelling it.

News from France has been interesting too. Bedbugs have entered our daily conversations too. Almost everyday I get to hear about bedbug related scares, jokes and their repercussions. Campus talks apparently are questioning kinds – why should French bedbugs be in the news at all when almost all big cities and countries have it? There are conspiracy theories afloat. France of course is not in denial and they are doing their best. My son’s room and entire residency underwent sanitization. It is evident from the recent focus of media stories on ‘islamophobia’ in France or this bed bugs saga that there is cancel culture propaganda and messaging. Like us, the French are apparently blaming their neighbours (who have fallen out over Brexit) for their woes and negative publicity.

Students of course have been kept busy with coursework and high level courses. After classes they huddle in discussion spaces available around the campus. Apparently, these spaces have reference books, tiny cafes and cluster desks for students to sit and discuss. Since classes are of 3 – 4 hours duration, they are allowed to walk out in between to get their cuppas. Teachers are highly impressive and they hold the attention of the class for 3 -4 hours at a stretch. From what I understand European universities have very rigorous undergraduate courses so students from elsewhere, even those who are doing double masters, are struggling a bit. They all are taking courses as a challenge so I guess they are happily engaged between classes and looking for groceries they need.

Finally my son went to a tiny Indian neighborhood thanks to his Ecuadorian classmate who wants to try cooking Indian cuisine while my son is getting introduced to Latin American sauces and recipes.He finally found – green chillies too – he was missing their taste and flavour the most. They are having nice little cultural exchanges and celebrating diversity. He gave a hearty laugh saying there you are trying to plan a festival to celebrate diversity but here we are celebrating it every day – bonhomie is amazing and no one mocks others.

He tells me, most students are very critical about their own nations and their politics so they don’t insult or mock others. I guess most nations are failing their youths in some way or the other. From what I hear, it gives me hope.

I am worried about how ‘cancel’ culture will play out in our nation’s future. Good journalism almost got literally cancelled by those who are in power last week.

France has kept its education and universities standards very high which is very heartening and it was evident when Nobel prize for Physics was announced. French Nobel laureate took the call during the break and went back to her class to complete the lesson. It says volumes about their commitment to teaching and nurturing younger generations.

Incidentally, when ‘Attosecond’ Nobel was announced, my son was doing his first lab class which he said was a great fun and nothing like the set practicals students do here. Yesterday he also said, “wish there was a way to enrol in undergraduate mathematics course here all over again and then do masters”. I had tried to steer him towards mathematics but now in French University corridors he is developing a deeper liking for mathematics. Engaging deeper is hardly visible these days in our education sphere when the focus is just to pass the exams with top grades and get qualifying degree for good jobs or positions which are so few.

My ironing lady was earlier looking for teaching jobs for her daughter who has done B.Ed from Bihar and now she is seeking any household help job for her. On the contrary, I met a brilliant MTech qualified student who is pursuing B.Ed. So we are in absurd times – qualified teachers don’t have jobs but engineers are seeking teaching qualifications as they are out of jobs too.

As a nation and as people we will keep going in circles I guess while making radius smaller and cancelling everything beyond that radius. Good luck to us!

Destiny and Luck

In the name of the
Sun and sky
Let me lament
For the lives
That derailed
One late evening
Just as their lives
Were chugging along

As ever, they were
Destiny’s offspring
Unware that
That the game
Of destiny is
Forever fixed
Death is destiny
Life is luck

Suddenly many
Many lives
Ran out of luck
On that late
Summer evening
Destiny it is
To be born
In a land where
Apathy is normal
Kindness an anomaly

While their lives derailed
And were mutilated
Beyond recognition
In another far away land
Operation Hope
Was combing forests
To look for
Four lost kids
Their destiny
Lost game to Luck

Life and Death

Stink of death
Hits the nostril
Some poor creature
Took the plunge
Not realising perhaps
Its certain death

We can’t see it
But stink is unbearable
More than the
Death itself perhaps
Of that pitiful creature
That was living

Life and living
Death and dying
Polar opposites
Starting and ending
Out of nowhere

An unbearable stink
An indelible mark
Life slips away
Just like that
Into the cloak of death

At the Edge of Life

She stood at the edge, constantly turning back. They should be here anytime soon, if they loved her. After all they had promised, they will look out for her and have her back at all times.

The train was late. She thought of walking a little ahead to get on the tracks in darkness to ensure the train didn’t miss her and nobody tried to save her. She kept glancing at the phone, hoping someone had deciphered her cryptic posts and reached out. Even one ‘like’ would be the last bit of straw that could save her.

Then she wondered what was the probability that anybody’s life would be affected if she stuck to her plan. She could imagine the indifference, smirk, shock, grief, regret and blame shifting that would follow. She could imagine a little conference, post her funeral, where everyone would say nice things about her, maybe words of regret too but they will absolve themselves for making her feel what she felt – a useless, harmful, attention seeking, selfish soul – which definitely she wasn’t. Or was she as they perceived her to be?

Just then a small toddler reached for her and grabbed her collar. She was wearing a red dress, it probably attracted the kid. She turned around and saw two curious eyes staring at her. She had always attracted young toddlers attention for some strange reason. The mother who was carrying the child was fatigued and bored. Obviously, since she didn’t pay attention when the child must have reached out to her. The toddler kept babbling as she stared at it with a blank expression.

Was this the sign or proverbial straw she was looking for? The mother looked at her and bluntly asked, “why are you staring? Can you hold her please till the train comes? I am dead tired, hungry and fed up. Why is she always hungry for food and attention? “

For a moment she wanted to refuse and walk away but the child by then was clinging to her. It was like life itself had embraced her and held her back.

She realised how flawed her logic was, that her toddler back home would eventually forget her. Probably there would be a nicer step-mother in his life. But what if that person thought motherhood and babbling of toddlers boring?

She looked at this young mother who was glancing at her phone least bothered that the child was clinging to a stranger. She looked up and said, “please help me. Hold her a bit, my arms are aching.” She had no choice but to hold the child. The young mother kept looking at the phone. The train was announced. She was in a new dilemma. But the child kept playing with her face and her hair. Instinctively, she too engaged playfully. They both giggled. The train was almost entering the station. She swiftly turned around and told the mother that she was not getting on to the train and handed the child back. The young lady stared back, “why are you even waiting on a crowded platform then? Are you here to receive someone?”

She didn’t know what to say. She just blurted that she didn’t have money for the train ticket and walked away – walked away from her suicidal thoughts. She was sweating, shaking with tears welled up in her eyes.

She walked back to her home. It was a long walk. Long enough to get control back on her emotions and her life. Long enough to realise that if a stranger could trust her, if she could show kindness to a stranger even at the breaking point then there is evidence that she wasn’t what everyone thought she was.

She also realised how flawed she was in thinking that anyone could replace her to be a mother to her kid back home. She needed to be strong to be someone’s support now. Back home, everything was as she had left including the smirk on her husband’s face, ” so you are back. I knew you lacked courage.” She went to her kid who was sleeping and touched it, only to realise the child had a high fever. She walked back and asked her husband why he hadn’t checked on the kid in the last couple of hours.

He again smirked and said something on the lines that he didn’t realise, couldn’t imagine, child didn’t cry, was doing very important work etc etc and since she had opted to be a housewife so it was primarily her job to check on him and not to wander off to kill herself.

She stared back in disbelief. She knew exactly whom to save her son from – pathological intellectuals and skeptics, insensitive folks so full of themselves – who will endlessly analyse, blame, shame and do everything except take responsibility and show love.

PS: A piece of fiction inspired by a spooky nightmare that woke me up.

Shame

Shame

Perhaps it is easy
To violate
A woman’s body
And soul
And then walk with
Head held high
It is all done
To teach a lesson
To create fear

Perhaps it is easy
To plunder the earth
To dig out all
That is worth
And then walk with
Head held high
It is all done
For a profit
To create wealth

Will Earth save itself?
What about women?
Bilkis Bano is silent
Our silence is more deafening

We will rage
For Earth, for Bilkis
Yet they will
Walk free
Reign free

That is how it is
Dont ask why?
It’s reign of the
Shameless and inhuman
Emperor after all parades
In full nakedness and glory

How does one teach shame
To shameless tyrants?

#BilkisBano

Labyrinth

Trapped in the Labyrinth

It is often impossible
To get out the labyrinth
For the simple reason
You don’t feel trapped

It doesn’t seem what it is
You keep going onwards
While the labyrinth’s design
Takes you backward

Blame it on the design
Or the divine
There is no way to know
That it is a trap

You go in circles
Thinking it’s taking you forward
But it’s a spiral descent
To nowhere or maybe hell

You are happy
With the clever deception
Who doesn’t like
Illusion of happiness?

Who needs justice and peace
Happiness and prosperity?
The grand illusion of it all
Is fine enough

Why risk it all?
For which end?
It’s an endless
Labyrinth

Fatigued, fogged
You are simply happy
Forward or backward or circles
How does it matter?

Soon lifetime will be served
Labyrinth will be inherited
Baton will be passed on
The game will go on…

Designers will blame the divine
Divine will be part of the design
Truth will become a beautiful lie
And all lies will seem truthful

It’s an endless labyrinth
We need to navigate
To keep going
To reach nowhere or maybe hell

2034 – A Play Rooted in Dystopian Present and Future

Couple of years ago, I had taken a years break from work. I did many things which I wouldn’t have had liberty to do as a full time working teacher. One of things was – a week long course on History Of Indian Science hosted by Asiatic Society. Icing of the course (cake) was the grand finale – a theatre group called Mukhosh presented an anti-Superstition play – ‘Uncertainty of Principles’ ( ‘https://maddecadence.wordpress.com/2019/04/29/uncertainty-of-principles-a-brilliant-play-on-conflict-between-science-and-superstition/) in the historic auditorium of Asiatic Society. That’s when I first saw scientist duo Dr. Ayan Banerjee and Dr. Anindita Bhadra with their family on stage calling out superstition and astrologers through their brilliant play. 

Having been a fan of playwrights like Brecht whose famous play on Galileo still gives me goosebumps, I felt a great sense of relief to see scientists reaching out to society to spread awareness, to open their blindfolds which has been put cunningly by those in power. That play was a grim reminder of work and sacrifice of stalwarts like Dr. Narendra Dabholkar and many others.

While there are quite a few professional theatre groups in Kolkata who are putting up incredibly brave shows to call out fascism, autocracy, highly critical of state and central governments but what makes Mukhosh a little different is that it is literally a small home grown theatre group, none of them are professional theatre persons but are rather well established names in their scientific academic circles and they really don’t have to do anything additional for the society – as we are often led to believe that scientific contribution is one of the most gratifying one to the society.

But we often ignore that modern scientists rarely dare to call out societal, religious and political wrongs like their glorious predecessors – Copernicus, Galileo and many others (whom they admire) did, as much is often at stake. Prof. Ayan Banerjee, Dr. Anindita Bhadra are carrying forward the brave legacy by staging dystopian truth as a dark comedy and making a call for scientific rationality of thought and action.

Their second play 2034 which was staged yesterday at Academy of Fine Arts on the eve of the anniversary of their theatre venture is truly a commentary on dystopian current times.  Though the play backdrop is set for the year 2034, but I guess realities have accelerated fast beyond the expectation of the playwright.

It is a brilliantly scripted play about how an innocent magician couple’s famous stage act becomes their Achilles heel and they end up behind bars, framed to be anti-nationals by the fearful fascist government in power. I don’t want to give away the script but the way play unfolds as yet another show of the magician while breaking the fourth wall – involving the audience and ending in similar manner is quite innovative and engaging – making audience feel complicit and victim at the same time. It blurs the line between precarious predicament of protagonist and audience. Also, it ends on a mixed note as baton by legacy is passed on to the younger generation who are left to fend for themselves as society abandons them but the seed of creativity instilled by their parents holds a promise.

2034 addresses the important question as well – who are fearful ones here? We, the people of the government or is it really the other way around? Do fascists do what they do out of sheer mental fear psychosis – a fear of being called out and voted out of power? Are they so fearful that they wish to imprison any innocent who they feel is an perceptive, rational, gifted, thinking individual who can unmask their sinister blueprint? It also depicts how fear psychosis percolates when even neighbours, co-workers refuse to stand with the victims as media descends to hound them for the truth which has already been cleverly buried!

Kudos to Mukhosh, Ayan Banerjee, Anindita Bhadra and their family members for not fretting from holding the mirror to current times and calling out that ’emperor is truly naked and fearful’. Unfortunately, it is the audience/people of the republic which has been cleverly blinded.

Certain parts of the play did seem slow but I guess it was deliberate to build up the momentum for the end. Auditorium sound system needs a revamp. Academy of Fine Arts is undergoing renovations so one can hope they will improve infrastructure of the theatre as well.

Also, it was heartening to see many scientists and research scholars coming together to watch the play on a rainy saturday afternoon.

Looking forward for more such plays. These efforts truly are like proverbial straws of hope or silver linings – much required during current dark times which I guess will only become worse in future if we don’t act now.